Everything about crypt crawler Lara Croft is fake: her boobs, her archaeological background, her identity. The ass-kickin' chick is a game boy's dream come to life, so it's fitting that the video hottie should get an equally synthetic soundtrack in time for her big-screen debut. U2 reel out the album's strongest track, a glossy remix of "Elevation" that skids all over glam-rock terrain and is just sexy enough to make it work as a single (as well as a scene-stealing video featuring Tomb Raider star Angelina Jolie). Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor works himself into a fit on the grinding "Deep," but his tirade sounds outdated with its dumb lyrics and clunky, hookless programming. Speaking of computer blues, Groove Armada's wordless snoozer "Edge Hill" is about as far from shakin' that ass as a dance act can get. Thankfully, club reliables like the Chemical Brothers and Moby can still get it done; the former brings out the funk with a writhing dance tune that's as tireless as the film's heroine, while the latter's fuzzed-out big beats explode into a giddy freak-out that helps tighten up the album's blah midsection. Oddly, the only ladies in the house, Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot and young 'un Nelly Furtado, are the ones who get Lara Croft's modus operandi right; no matter how perfect she may be, she still needs to get her freak on. --Kristy Martin
